(Re)Born in the USA

It's not absolutely necessary, but I think it would greatly enhance the reader's experience if they blasted "Born in the USA" at full volume while reading this. It might get you some funny looks on the train, it might even warrant the odd 'tut' and eye roll, and may ultimately leave you with permanent hearing damage. But it's totally worth it...probably.

For those of you who don't know, and even for those of you who do, here's my little exposè on the title of this piece. I am heading to America in a week. That's right, a week today I'll be boarding the plane, counting my dollars, and loosening my belt buckles as I head to the United States of America for the first time ever. Something must have slipped up with Border Control, as for some reason they've granted me entry without question, but I am going to ride the wave of bureaucratic incompetence and take advantage of all that the country has to offer.

This trip is not impromptu, nor is it meticulously planned, but a happy medium between the two. Many of you may know about Catherine, one of my best friends in the whole world, who also extended the geographic reach of my friendships tenfold by moving to Australia when we were about 11. They say once friendships reach a certain number of years that they will last a lifetime (I believe it's 7 years, although I may be confusing this with the 7 years bad luck for breaking a mirror. Or 7 years bad sex for breaking eye contact during a toast. The number 7 seems to carry some fairly negative connotations...) Nevertheless, whatever the milestone is, we have well and truly crossed it.

She's the sort of friend that I see so irregularly, but whenever I do it's like slipping into an old pair of boots. Those Doc Martens you've worn in for well over a decade that know your every step, and that mould to your ever-growing bunions. That's what Catherine is to me (and sorry about the bunions, Cat. They run in the family). Despite my glowing review of our friendship, and the way she makes me laugh like absolutely no one is watching, and the way she winds back the clock and makes me forget the vortex of fears and worries that we seem to walk around in...there have been moments in our friendship that have been more difficult to overcome. Australia, need I remind you, is a very long way away. And I have let the distance get the better of me sometimes. Life has whipped me up into a whirlwind of my own making and I've let Australia, or Catherine, bear the brunt of this. Read "I haven't been the best friend I could have been" for all these sketchy metaphors.

But now, yes now - ladies and gentlemen - I have something that very few people have: a chance to redeem myself (cue the Hollywood music and the beaming spotlight. I can practically feel the rapturous applause beating through me). All jokes aside though, I believe that this is a very important trip. It's very easy to get wrapped up in our own little world, our own problems, and our own - often self-made - malaise. But I have been given the opportunity to try again. To break that mould of half-arsed friendship and truly give someone I love dearly the time and respect they both need and deserve from me.

But fear not - I have not suddenly become completely selfless. What would that make me?! No no, I am still hugely flawed, and will continue to be self-indulgent and self-pitying long after I return from America, but hopefully with a newfound respect for the sanctity of friendship, and the love and trust that others have been so kind as to bestow on me. I will be treating that most-undeserved gift with more care henceforth (and you can hold me to that). This is essentially a blanket apology for all the times I haven't been good enough, and a group promise to do better. And it's on the internet now, so there's no escaping it. But as I said, before you think me too unselfish, I will still be wallowing in my own woe and dramatically recounting my life as a failed actor/writer for the foreseeable future. But this is where the other element of the trip comes in.

Life has been somewhat 'head down', 'keep ploughing on', 'trudging through the wind and rain' etc. etc. as of late. But I want that to change. These few weeks abroad will hopefully take me away from my own self-centric monologue and start to introduce new characters and new plot twists that will help me build up a whole new narrative that I will be ready to put into motion upon my return. It's an opportunity. An injection of colour and life. A shake-up. And I am so excited. Buzzing in fact, as sad and unfounded as that may be, because I truly believe that Catherine's company, along with the culture shock of America, is just what I need to kickstart the 2020 that never really got going for me. Hence the somewhat messiah-inspired title of this blog. Don't worry, I'm yet to be convinced that I am biblical in any proportions (although after that pizza, who knows?!) but it just seemed like the right sort of metaphor to grab your attention. Yes I mean you, my drama-hungry readers!

Hopefully, upon my return, there will be plenty more drama for you to feast upon - both professional and otherwise. I don't want to get all gushy or anything, but you are all wonderful. You already all have starring roles in my life, and it's you who push me out of the wings when my heart is racing and I can hardly breathe, and it's you who makes me reach for that extra coffee and try to pen a poem when the world around me is falling asleep. So you all, in your own ways, have already given me so much. I hope I can repay the favour very soon in some way (and you absolutely have the right to demand that I owe you one. At any time. Any day. Always. You heard it here first).

All of the big, US portion-sized love to you all <3 au revoir!